Write Ups

Sundays are always like this - slow paced, musicless days.

I can hear drops of water falling on the window sill. There are some birds chirping in different voices. If I pay more attention, I could hear all the commotion in the building. The 'Kachrawala' is collecting 'Kachra' somewhere on the second or third floor. Some women, probably three, are talking in Gujarati, perhaps on the first floor. Outside, two boys are waiting for other friends to show up, after all it is a Sunday morning.

Doing something, even thinking something on such days is difficult. You just idle around and nothing else.

Alone, at home, there is nothing to distract me - not even my own thoughts. Right now, at this moment, I can be anything or I can be nothing and it wouldn't matter because not even me can know it.

In this post, I am experimenting with a new style of writing. I will be testing how fast and how accurately can I map my thoughts on to the keyboard. I have tried this on paper with rambling on stuff without any grammatical or logical structure but here I will be trying as much as possible to stick to a particular structure and logical form.

But one major problem is that I have begun to hate logic. Logic as an idea itself is illogical. We have thought out some patterns about thoughts and imagination and then we decided that these patterns are the most important existential necessity for anything to be true and absolute. Isn't that our arrogance speaking? Or is it our laziness to explore further realms of imagination? I don't know.

I don't know many things. My knowledge is limited but I am curious to know. Perhaps, it is one of the most basic urges as a human being. I can't help but be inquisitive, There are always questions and doubts. Some of these questions are supposed to be asked, others are supposed to be suppressed. To know what we should be suppressing, we are taught ethics and morality and culture and everything else that tends to suppress almost all our natural instincts. Yes, I agree that it's society and its norms and regulations are what made us adaptable to all the environments thrown at us by nature and it was society that made humans fit for survival. But with all the development in intellectual thought and imagination, should survival be the only motive of a human being?

Perhaps, I am overreaching myself here, perhaps I am asking all the wrong questions and survival might be the single most important motive of any living being but then why did all the other faculties, which are supposedly dampening our survival instincts develop in the first place?

I don't know... My thoughts are wandering away. I am hungry. I must find something to eat before I can think more about these pretentious stuff anyway. I am starting to dislike every line of thought, every conclusion. Perhaps it's because nothing ever reaches a conclusion. Everything is just a debate where the end result is eternally hanging somewhere no one can reach. Ah, flowery language to describe something very uneventful. What should I do? I don't know. I am passing to the next phase of an existential crisis.

All the beliefs that you hold so dear to yourself, all the ideas that makes your identity for you, everything is questioned to the core. I often find myself in that position and it's irritating and troublesome. You become a nobody with just a thought. Right now, I am in the process of becoming a nobody!

There are those mornings when the dark and the chill of the previous night just lingers on and the sun is always little late to rise. The sound of the damp breeze, after the heavy rains of the night, crashes onto the ears like there is a river or an ocean nearby. The only other sound is of some little bird chirping from a distant tree.

Then there is  the sound of your own wet footwear over the watery road and the occasional crunch of a dry leaf under your feet.

And then once in a while you come under a streetlight where your shadow passes under your feet to your front and looks back at you. You know it is asking you questions. You don't know what to say or do, so you just walk ahead and  let this shadow fade away till the next one comes along. 

Raj's excitement knew no bounds when he came to know that the family would be going to his grandpa's village during the vacations. Although his grandpa had died a year ago, Raj still loved to stay in the mansion-sized house of his grandpa.